boundary lines

Dating Q & A # 2

Would it be wrong to date or court if I am too young to get married, or if I have no intentions of getting married yet?

 

Considering the previous question (back up one post), then yes it would be.  It just wouldn’t be wise to pursue a relationship right now.  Here’s why:

Having a non-committal relationship at this point would afford a good time, but it is not the way to having a good life.  Though arguable that sin isn’t committed outright, it won’t take long til it is.  And sin destroys.  Sin destroys relationships.  Sin destroys dreams and plans.

“The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance.” (Ps. 16:6), remember?

And if you hadn’t caught it yet, Christian Dating is for men and women.  It’s not for.. um..  for the purposes of this post alone, we’ll playfully refer to them as “boys and girls“.  Hopefully they’ll know clearly which side of the boundary line they ought to be for now.

-       Boys and girls, take your time.  There may be more important things that you should be doing rather than seriously pursuing a romantic relationship.  So what to do?  Read your Bible, pray, study, serve in church, mature, fix your relationships, get a job, give your tithes, pay off your debts, save, learn to give, break some habits, get your act together, improve your relational skills, develop some life skills, outgrow some TV shows.  In a word (or 2), grow up.

The main purpose of singleness for the Christian is growing in spiritual maturity (Heb. 5:13-14, Jas. 1:2-4).  Spiritual maturity results in maturity in general, which should be a non-negotiable in marriage if one would want for it to go the distance.

 

Girls, hold out for God’s best.  Prepare, get involved (i.e. be visible), make friends.  You were made to be pursued.  Don’t jump the gun.  Your timetable is really good, but God’s is perfect.  You won’t wait in vain (Mt. 6:33).  Hold out for God’s best.

Boys, the first thing that God called “not good“, even before sin entered the world, was Adam’s solitary state (Gen. 2:18a).  Having a spouse, a helper suitable for you (18b), will be such an honor.  Drop the remote, drop the controller, get up and work for it.  (“Work”?  More on this in Dating Q&A #4).  Earn the privilege.  How?  By deciding to grow up.  Growing old is inevitable, growing up is optional.  Start making man decisions.

When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child.  When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. (1 Cor. 13:11)

 

-       Men and women, GO.  Please.  Do your church and yourself a favor. What do I mean GO?  Seek guidance in humility, serve in church, make many friends, and go; i.e. women, be visible and approachable and maturely accommodate; men, man-up and get to work (and be sensible in your timing).  Can’t make it any more curt than that.  Go. Go. Go.  Pursue.  Do it to get married.  I highly recommend married life.  It lives up to the hype.

 

Quick story.  A conversation with a young man who asked a similar question went like this, beginning with my reply:

“Ok, what if…  What if that girl you’re wanting to pursue happens to be one of the daughters of one of your pastors, would you still continue with your plan?”

“Well, … that’s different, bro.”

 (huh?) “And that’s different how?”

 “Hmm..  well, it just is!  She’s…  she’s a pastor’s daughter…”

 “And you don’t do that to a pastor’s daughter why?”

 “Mainly because of her pastor-dad.  Pastors… deserve  respect.”

 “Ok.  So other parents don’t?”

Although the Bible does say that full-time pastors deserve to be accorded respect and honor (1 Tim. 5:17), we are commanded to give all parents (Mal. 1:6, 1 Tim. 3:8, 1 Pe. 2:17) the same respect as image-bearers of God (Gen. 9:6) (which means that it’s regardless if the parents are believers).

And just for kicks, can you imagine initiating what would prove to be an awkward conversation?

“I’m not ready to consider marriage just yet, but pastor, I’m interested in pursuing your daughter as a girlfriend.  Can I have your permission to spend time with her, get tangled up emotionally with her, and perhaps even be intimate with her sexually?  Oh I promise to be committed to her, sir.  And who knows, we may even end up more permanently when we’re both ready.”

Cringe.  “You better get on your bike now, little boy.  It’s almost time for your favorite cartoons.”

 

So there.  To address the question, it’d be lovingly responsible to say that no, pursuing a serious relationship would not the wisest thing for a single person to do at this point.

 

But if you don’t agree with these, can you still pursue a relationship?  Of course you can!  Drivers decide to beat red lights all the time, don’t they?  And most get away ok…

But one day…  One day it could very well catch them (and not just by a policeman, mind you) and leave them with painful regret.  As if it’s ok to simply hope that nothing happens…  When that day comes, they’ll know that it had been their undoing that they consciously decided on, in favor of some “harmless” fun.

Find and respect the boundary lines.  They’re fences for your protection (and for your marriage, Heb. 13:4).

 

Next entry: Dating Q & A #3:

What is the right term, “courtship” or “dating”?  Is it ok to call each other “boyfriend” or “girlfriend”?

Advertisement