city on a hill

Dating Q & A # 1

How does “Christian Dating” differ from “regular” dating? 

 

A city on a hill cannot be hidden. (Mt. 5:14b) 

The church is to be lived as a holy city within the city (i.e. the one that you live in) that seeks to show the city an alternative life (& lifestyle) that is possible under the Lordship of Jesus Christ.  It is to exist for the honor and glory of God.  And like a city built on top of a hill, it should be hard for anyone to miss.

 

The apostle Paul identifies the 2 ways that people can go about relationships:

It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the heathen, who do not know God; (1 Thess. 4:3-5)

 

And there are really only these two ways:

1. Holy and honorable – to each other, to the people around you (family and friends), and ultimately to the Lord.  The “city on a hill” relationships that Christians are called to have.
2. In passionate lust – People dishonor one other, disregard everyone else around, and dishonor God.  This is how people will go about relationships as a default.

Simply put, Christian Dating is done for the glory of God, as opposed to giving in to the self.

Though the topic of dating (or courtship) is not directly addressed in Scripture, it is sufficiently covered by what the Bible does lay down in living the Christian life.

So, “city on a hill” and “holy and honorable“.  How does this look like?

1. Christian Dating is purposeful.

What purpose, exactly?  To prayerfully find out for a season if the man and the woman (I just had to say that) are compatible and are willing to venture with each other to God’s best in marriage.

Biblically, Christian dating has as its purpose:  ultimately, marriage.  Particularly, one that goes the distance (Mal. 2:16a).

 -       It embraces duties and responsibilities as mature individuals that if not fulfilled, can result in a lifetime of regret.

But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people. (Eph. 5:3, emphases mine)

-       It sets and respects “boundaries in pleasant places” (Ps. 16:6a) as a means of serving the other, and preserving (wow, what a popular word that is) the other for his/her “delightful inheritance” (v.6b), i.e. for his future wife or her future husband.

Considering the Bible’s repeated stating of the husband’s loving leadership as the head of the family (Eph. 5:22-32, Col. 3:18-21, 1 Pe. 3:1-7), any romantic relationship should begin with the man taking initiative protecting the woman physically and emotionally.  Thus, the relationship boundaries are to be set by the man (boys won’t), acting on his masculine duties and responsibilities.  His words and actions should speak to her: “I have a plan for you”, and “I will not waste your time”.

 

2. Christian Dating seeks to honor.

-       Honor God (1 Cor. 6:18-20).

-       Honor/serve the other person (1 Tim. 5:1-2, Song 8:4).

-       Honor the other person’s family (men, esp. her parents, who will give away their daughter; Jer. 29:6).

-       Honor the other person’s spiritual family (men, esp. her spiritual “parent(s)” who oversee her; Tit. 2:4-5).

-       [and while you’re at it,] Honor the other person’s friends.

 

 

The rest of the city dates primarily for self-gratification (Rom. 1:22-24), i.e. companionship and sexual fulfillment; Then explains this with the “trial and error” excuse: looking to make mistakes now as a single person [in marriage-like arrangements], rather than making those mistakes once they’ve already “committed to one person”.  At least that’s the idea.  It operates on the idea that happiness comes before holiness (in marriage).  In reality, this will train you for a lifestyle of promiscuity more than anything.

 

At the end of the day, Christians persevere in living lives glorifying to God in a world system that lures to serve the self instead.  Christians believe that Satan will always be a liar (Jn. 8:44, 2 Jn. 7), and that God’s plan for you will always be the best there is (Jer. 29:11, Rom 12:2b).

 

But again, the decision is still yours.

 

For God did not call us to be impure, but to live a holy life.  Therefore, he who rejects this instruction does not reject man but God, who gives you his Holy Spirit. (1 Thess. 4:7-8)

 

Next entry: Dating Q & A #2:

Is it wrong to date or court if I am too young to get married, or if I have no intentions of getting married yet?